Connect. Don’t Confess. (And Why You Should Never Invite Me To Dinner.)


Seeing cherished, respected leaders melt down on social media. On purpose. Drives me bananas.

– The money coach who just maxed out her credit cards over the weekend.

– The nutrition coach who just binged on donuts and so many Sweet Tarts that the roof of her mouth is out of commission.

– The branding coach who sobs on Instagram about how hard it is to be authentic in the online space.

When I see this happen, nobody hits the delete button faster than me. Because those people aren’t connecting with me. They are confessing self-sabotage as a marketing ploy. To be relatable. To feel like we are all in this together. 

But we are not. 

I didn’t follow that person because I wanted a friend. But because I wanted to go from point A to point B. I’m always on the lookout for aspirational women.

A real leader is someone who has moved through her stuff. Someone who has become stronger, smarter, and more capable because she’s done the work she needs to do. Someone who isn’t confessing her self-sabotage on social media as part of her marketing plan.

You can be a leader in any field you want to be, but EVERY good leader – meaning one I’d want to follow – have something in common.

LEADERS connect by listening and responding to the people in their network and offering solutions, not by creating drama to get likes and comments.

LEADERS hold themselves to a higher standard. They recognize that leadership is a responsibility, and not a place to share your sh*t on social media.

LEADERS share their viewpoints based on their expertise and their experience. They’re not going along with the crowd. And they definitely aren’t confessing self-sabotage as a marketing strategy.

LEADERS do what they say. They’re not creating a facade for public consumption, then living a completely different story behind the scenes. If they say they’re going to host a Facebook live stream at 1:00 pm, then they show up at one sharp.

LEADERS have worked out their stuff relevant to what they’re teaching. They don’t simultaneously lead others and battle that same issue. 

LEADERS don’t have followers, they have a network. Which means they’re out there speaking and connecting with others visibly and consistently. 

It takes work to be a leader. It takes commitment to think in terms of the future, building true trust, and taking responsibility for keeping that trust.

And if you have what it takes to be a real leader, do it. Because you’re the one I want to follow.

PRO TIP: If you’re looking for a better way to connect (than confessing self-sabotage) do what my bestie, Helen Hunter Mackenzie suggests: Share your quirks.

The little things that make you adorably you.

For example: If we go out to dinner, there’s a good chance that I will reach my fork across the table to take a bite of your meal. So if you don’t want me stealing your food, you should order the same thing as me. Or don’t invite me to dinner :)